By Christopher Rossetti
Birth is a huge deal for mums but it’s also a life-changing event for dads, too. Here brand-new dad Christopher Rossetti shares the story of the birth of his daughter, Ivy.
Life is what happens when we are making plans. Staying with my wife in the hospital while she gave birth to our first child was never a conversation we had. We never had a discussion about it and can’t point to a moment when we said that I would be staying with her. It was just assumed. My wife, Tayler, was going to experience one of the most life changing events of her life and I wasn’t going to be on the sidelines. This event was happening to me. It was happening to us. The plan was that my beautiful wife would have our daughter naturally and then I would work during the day and spend the nights with my new baby and amazing wife. However, life is what happens when we are making plans.
Due to complications, my wife was induced three weeks early. My daughter had other ideas, and the day we were due to be induced her waters broke. Being our first pregnancy and birth, we didn’t quite realise this and my wife still got her eyebrows done before we were due at the hospital. It wasn’t until we were sitting in the birthing suite that we realized how soon we would meet our little girl. During this process, we had further complications and my wife bravely made the decision to protect our daughter and herself by having an emergency C-section. The operation went fast, your child is born in the first five minutes and the remaining time is mending your partner. I was there in the room, helping my own personal Wonder Woman deal with her stresses and was lucky enough to cut the umbilical cord. The events of the day were traumatic for both my girls and this resulted in our daughter spending the weekend in the nursery, and my wife getting some much-needed rest.
St John of God allows the partner to stay in the room with the mother of their child after the birth, even having double beds supplied. This was a fantastic way for my wife and I to navigate the first few days of parenthood and acclimatise to our new reality. However, life is what happens when we are making plans.
The major surgery of a C-section meant my wife couldn’t share a bed; this didn’t change my choice of staying with my wife and newborn baby. I prepared myself to sleep in a chair, against a wall or on the floor. Luckily, the nurses supplied a mattress and sheets. I spent the weekend with my wife and helped her recover by making sure she was fed and bathed, getting her out of bed and taking her to visit our daughter.
We had both done classes in preparation for this life altering event but the reality of having to feed, change, swaddle, burp and nurture a newborn is a difficult thing to prepare for. I, in particular, felt way out of my depth and stressed immensely that I wasn’t fit for fatherhood. I was lucky that I asked the nurses for help and slowly learned the ropes. This was important for myself but also for my wife.
Due to her recovery, she was required to rest large portions of the day and our daughter was still in the nursery, as such I would take care of our daughter while my wife rested. This prepared me mentally and physically for the challenges of bringing our new bundle of joy home. Further, it helped develop an attachment and relationship with my daughter that many fathers struggle to achieve with their new family member.
While my wife was still at in hospital, I spent the Monday to Wednesday after our daughter was born at work. I would come back to the hospital after finishing, sleep next to my wife on the floor and then leave in the morning. This meant we were still together; I could still help my wife during her recovery and spend time with my daughter.
It was also important because I could take more time off with our new family at home. I was able to be there for my wife, when she struggled with being in a physical state that we hadn’t prepared for. Although throughout the whole event she was fantastic and I couldn’t be prouder, my wife felt she had no control and was failing our daughter. The fact that I was able to support her recovery in the first few days and make sure the relationship between mother and child developed was more important than anything.
Our daughter, Ivy, is over three months old now and my wife has fully recovered from the birth. The complications in our pregnancy won’t happen to everyone, and no two births are the same, but one thing I will recommend to all future mothers and fathers. If you can, stay together at the hospital before and after the birth. The relationship you share will be stronger and you will both need each other’s support throughout the delivery and first days of having a child. The father and mother both learn how to keep your newborn alive, instead of only one knowing. The father can build a relationship with their child over the first few days and both parents can start to adapt to a new sleep schedule, and reality.
The reasons above are major parts of why I would recommend a partner stay with the mother at the hospital after the delivery. But even more importantly – life happens when you are making plans, and it is better to be there when life happens then somewhere else.
