By Melissa Grant
By Melissa Grant
Sleep consultant Cheryl Fingleson has helped hundreds of parents establish gentle and safe sleep habits for their child.
As ‘The Sleep Coach’, Cheryl works with families to improve settling and sleep techniques, establish good sleeping routines and transition a child from cot to bed.
Often, she says, parents simply don’t know how to get their child to sleep and stay asleep.
“The unfortunate thing is there is so little information out there,” she said.
“Mums are taught how to fall pregnant, they are taught how to push out the baby, they say they are taught a little bit about settling, they are taught how to feed.
“A lot of people say ‘my babies sleep’, but often they don’t. They think it’s a reflection that they are doing something wrong. They need the knowledge that’s all.”
A certified sleep coach, Cheryl is passionate about babies and sleep and loves seeing the results of her work.
“You go into homes when marriages are falling apart because people can’t think straight because of a lack of sleep,” the grandmother said.
“You see them a week or two later and you won’t believe the change. It’s the most beautiful, rewarding thing I could do.”
Here, Cheryl answers common questions parents have about children and sleep.
When can I sleep train my baby?
Up until 4.5 months the brain is not developed enough to sleep train.
Prior to that we like to put the baby down so they can sleep on their own.
In the early stages, parents make the mistake of keeping their baby awake too long.
In first few weeks all babies do is sleep and eat. When they get overtired their brain gets wired and they can’t fall asleep. It’s important to mimic the environment of the womb by keeping them warm and swaddled. From 4.5 months you can start to try and settle. Babies are like us – they like to know what’s coming next.
How do you help babies sleep?
The four key things I tell parents is routine, sleep window, consistency, and drowsy but awake.
Routine is the constant routine of bedtime. If a child is on solids it could be solids, bath, milk, story and then bed. The baby starts to know what is coming next. Obviously an early bedtime is better or they start getting overtired.
The sleep window is the time the baby starts showing sleep signs. This could be yawning, pulling ears or, if they are a bit older, clumsiness. If they get overtired it’s hard for them to fall asleep because cortisone is released and that acts as adrenaline – that’s what we call a second wind.
Consistency is simply whatever you do, do it consistently.
Drowsy but awake means they are in this state when they go to bed. We don’t want to feed to sleep or rock to sleep. When we put them in the cot or bed, we want them to be awake. This is because when they wake up from their sleep cycle they will want you to do whatever you did to get them back to sleep.
Sleep regressions – are they real? What should I expect?
I don’t like to call them sleep regressions. I like to call them sleep progressions or growth spurts. You invariably find that a baby goes through a growth spurt or milestone, which often affects sleep because they have to practice moves in their cots. With crawling, for example, they get up and practice crawling in their cot. It’s important to keep to a routine during this time, which will pass.
When will my child sleep through the night? How can I help make this happen?
It’s a very difficult question. At 12 months, some mums are happy if their child feeds and goes back to sleep quickly.
Some babies can sleep through from six months or even sooner, some take longer, there is no fixed rule.
There are many issues that may affect sleep, such as snoring, colds, teething, reflux, sleep associations and many more. We always rule out medical issues before sleep training your baby.
It is definitely not advisable for newborn babies to sleep through the night as their stomach is the size of a pea so they need to eat more often two to three hourly.
While babies can sleep through from six months, if the child is underweight the doctor may want the baby to have the extra feed.
How do I transition my child from cot to bed?
I don’t like to move a baby from a cot to a bed until they’re 2.5 years or 3 years old.
Before this, their brain is not formed enough to keep an instruction for 12 hours. However, if the child is getting out the cot you can transition them for safety.
When you transition, you have to give strict instructions not to get out. The older they are, the easier it is for them to understand. Parents have to be firm in their instructions. Discipline is required to keep them in their bed.
Also, a lot of parents move their child to a bed because they need the cot for their next child. This is not a good reason to transition a child to a bed.
When do children stop napping?
It varies. I believe children need a daily nap or a rest up until when they start kindergarten. Even when they are in kindergarten they still need some naps . But it depends on each individual child.
*How much sleep does my child need?
There is no hard and fast rule. Sleep varies from child to child.
The amounts that follow are for a 24-hour period and include naps and the night sleep.
For newborns it’s about 17 hours, dropping down to 15 hours. By four months sleep can drop down to 15 hours, including three to four naps.
Those aged six months need around 14 to 15 hours with two to three naps. At nine months the amount of sleep can drop between 13 to 14 hours with two naps.
This reduces to about 13 or 13.5 hours for children aged 12 to 18 months. Two naps continue until around 15 to 18 months.
From 18 months to 4 years of age, they will go from having 13 hours to 11.5 hours a day. Around the age of 3, toddlers often stop their nap during the day.
Kids aged 5 to 9 years need about 10 or 11 hours a day. From the ages of 10 to 15 years, kids need about 9 to 9.5 hours and most definitely don’t get that.
How do I know if my child is getting enough sleep?
If they aren’t sleeping enough, they start to have tantrums. You will also see a change in their moods. It’s important to remember that very active children hide their tired signs very well. They are the ones that need the most sleep. The very active children you’ve got to watch because they need more sleep than the others. Get them to bed at 6.30pm.
*What is the best time to send a child to bed?
The best time for kids aged 5 years and under is 6.30pm, or half an hour either side, because of their biological clock. The majority of kids are ready for bed between 7pm and 8pm. Even a 10 year-old should be getting into bed and reading and relaxing at this time.
How can I make my child go to bed earlier?
Just routine. The thing that is difficult is a lot of parents work and they don’t pick their kids up until 6pm, so it’s difficult to get the kids to bed at 6.30pm or 7pm. A lot of parents don’t get their kids to bed until 8.30pm or 9pm. It’s too hard for the children and they get used to it. Make sure you plan and get them to sleep earlier. This means pre-prepared dinners or giving them your leftovers from the night before.
What is the best way to deal with my child’s bedtime at daylight savings?
For some children, especially older children, it will make no difference. You’ll just go forward or back an hour.
For sensitive children and those who are highly strung, a week or 10 days before daylight saving start moving their bedtime by 10 minutes for a couple of days, then 10 minutes for another couple of days.
This means when the clocks change you are on the right time. For those children who aren’t so sensitive, you can move it 15 minutes and 15 minutes. It’s not difficult. It’s good to move it slowly.
My child keeps having nightmares. What should I do?
There are nightmares and night terrors.
Night terrors are horrible things to go through. It’s best to leave them alone, but be there so they don’t hurt themselves. Just don’t touch them and don’t wake them.
With a nightmare, you can wake the child and bring them out of it. It’s important not to put the TV on an hour before bedtime. For kids who have nightmares, read them a nice book before bedtime and talk about nice things they’ve done in the day.
