By Ben Dorries
Quite often, in fact most weeks, I find myself pondering what has happened to my life.
Actually, if I’m going to be honest, it’s most days.
Those dastardly Facebook ‘memories’ which pop up without warning often trigger it.
My life was pretty darn good.
I travelled around the globe for work, often to far-flung destinations such as Barbados, Mumbai, Cape Town and plenty of places in between.
There were parties, girls and enough alcohol to kill most livers and enough great memories to fill a thousand scrapbooks.
Life is now very different.
I fell in love in my late 30s but life didn’t change much initially.
There were still plenty of parties, drinks, fun times ‘til the wee hours and the best beach wedding you could want.
But now I think – was that really me? Was it the same person?
For most of my life an early morning has meant getting home at 6am from a big night out.
Now a regular morning is getting up at the same time to wipe poo from my daughter’s bum and feed her before she has a teary meltdown.
A big night now is having two wines at home while trying to get my much-loved daughter down for sleep, perhaps followed by half an hour of TV.
Then it’s lights out at 9pm, if I don’t fall asleep first.
Repeat, repeat, repeat. The things to do and chores are endless.
I’m not one of those fathers from the olden days who sits on the couch smoking a cigar while watching his wife do just about everything.
I want to be a good dad – I want to get down in the trenches and do whatever I can.
But it’s exhausting. What sort of life is this?
But in my moments of doubt it always strikes me between the eyes after a few minutes.
This is life!
The old life is no longer, this is the new life and I need to embrace it. And there’s plenty of embracing to be done.
My beautiful daughter always wants cuddles, even better she sometimes comes in for a kiss with daddy.
Her cheeky smile is priceless – it’s way better than any smiles flashed in my direction at nightclubs over the years.
The rewards I get from my daughter are way better than any work benefits.
She is me and I am her.
I must be honest and say I couldn’t do this without my wife – and she would say she couldn’t do it without me.
It isn’t easy but you know what, I wouldn’t swap this life for anything.
I often miss the old me but if I had that me, I wouldn’t have had my daughter.
That’s not even worth considering.
And anyway, the new me is pretty cool.
If you’d told me a few years ago I’d be changing nappies, cleaning vomit and applying cream to a baby’s bum I’d have laughed in your face.
I might not be laughing all the time now – but I am loving it.
Even if it sometimes takes me a few moments of quiet reflection to truly appreciate it.
There are billions of parents in the world and now I can see why.
It’s seriously awesome. You’ve just got to leave the ’old you’ behind.
The new version is better anyhow.
