Kids really do say the darndest things!

By Melissa Grant

Honesty is the best policy – unless you are three years old.

I’m quickly learning that children around this age don’t have a filter. They will say the most embarrassing things, often when you least expect it.

Case in point: “Hi. I do my poos and wees on the toilet now. I just did a poo. I got a choccy. We don’t have M&Ms any more but I still got a choccy.”

These were the exact words Miss 3 proudly proclaimed to a delivery driver at our door, days after she had pretty much mastered toilet training.

She only stopped spruiking her potty skills when I dragged her away from the door.

Thankfully, the delivery driver, a middle aged man with a beard, thought her verbal diarrhea was funny.

I also thought it was funny, albeit a tad mortifying.

However, my husband was nearly dying from embarrassment following some comments Miss 3 made recently while on a walk.

Moments after passing an obese lady, our daughter loudly said: “daddy, that woman was fat.”

Yes, how embarrassing.

Kids really do say the darndest things. And, unfortunately, it’s often in public.

If you type ‘embarrassing things kids say’ into Google you will see some totally cringeworthy statements.

Here are a few of them:

– “Old people will die and you don’t look so good”. Words from a four-year-old boy who, for whatever reason, feels the need to warn the elderly they will die.
– “Yesterday I pooped my pants but my mum said it was OK; it happens to her all the time”. Well, this mum’s efforts to make her son feel less bad about pooping himself certainly backfired (at daycare of course).
– “Drinking makes mummy happy.” Maybe, but the girl was actually talking about her mum being happy when she drinks water.
– “That’s my dad. He’s smart. That’s my mum. She’s angry.“ A lovely introduction from a five-year-old!
– “We don’t pick our nose, man. I said, we don’t pick our nose. No thank-you!” Well that’s awkward!
– “Mum your boobs are way too big to fit these”. I bet this mum regretted taking her daughter bra shopping.

There were a host of other mortifying statements featuring swear words (kids tend to pick up on these) and comments about baby making.

Not only do young kids say embarrassing things. They also couldn’t keep a secret if their life depended on it.

If my husband gives our daughter a treat and says “don’t tell mummy” she will divulge her sugar hit to me as soon as I enter the room.

“Mummy guess what? I just had a Freddo frog!”

Note to self, don’t ever tell her my PIN number.

It feels like only yesterday my girl started saying mum and dad.

One minute I’m marvelling at her language development. The next minute, I’m wanting to zip her loose lips shut!