By Casey Neill
The word sex is in the title, but Vanessa Hamilton’s new book has little to do with ‘sex’ itself.
The mother of three and sexuality educator released Talking Sex in September, following on from her popular online resources and school presentations.
“It’s a conversation guide for parents to speak with their kids about sexuality, respectful relationships, and consent,” she said.
“It also covers typical development and behaviour.
“These topics have hardly anything to do with sex.
“Sex is a very limiting, unhelpful word.
“When you ask parents what sex broadly means, it comes down to heterosexual intercourse.”
Vanessa said many parents had difficulty discussing sexuality with their children.
“They didn’t receive the information as kids. They don’t know the language to use. They carry shame and taboo,” she said.
“Many parents find it difficult to talk to their partner, let alone their kids.
“But they’re getting an education every day, whether we like it or not. Is it the one you want them to receive?
“Who do you want to tell your child about each topic related to sex, human sexuality, consent, and respect? Hopefully the answer is you.”
Vanessa hopes the book will give parents the confidence to discuss these tricky topics.
“To be the teachable and askable parent their kids need them to be,” she said.
“Our children’s safety and wellbeing is our responsibility.”
As parents, we take our children to swimming lessons and teach them road safety.
“Their sexual well-being is just as important,” Vanessa said.
She encouraged parents to speak openly to their children about sexuality in an age-appropriate way from a very early age.
Start with naming body parts in a shame-free way from when they’re a baby, then move on to body safety.
“Consent starts in the playground,” Vanessa said.
Manage their disappointment when a friend says ‘no’ to play.
“Those skills are then embedded for when they have their sexual encounters,” she said.
“They also need to know about puberty before it happens.”
Educating children about their bodies gives them better outcomes, such as the prevention of assault and abuse, Vanessa said.
“It’s never too late or too early to start,” she said.
“Teenagers might plug their ears with their fingers. It is awkward. You can say that.
“Call out situations on the TV and make comments about it.
“Talking in the car is a good one.
“Just get started.”
