By Casey Neill
Rachel Maksimovic had no blueprint when she was “thrust into a rollercoaster of solo motherhood”.
So she wrote a book for the women who follow in her footsteps, Mothering on Our Own: 30 Stories of Love, Hope and Navigating Single Motherhood.
Rachel’s “incredibly isolating journey” began unexpectedly when she was 20 weeks pregnant.
“I thought my life was f***** because of what I knew of solo mums,” she said.
“It meant we had no money, no career, it was hard to date…
“Those were the stories society had told me.
“But I actually got to create my own version of what it looks like.”
When she welcomed her son Lenny, now five, she tried to find her community, sharing her feelings on Instagram and engaging with Facebook groups.
“I felt like the only person on the planet struggling,” she said.
“It was feeling like I couldn’t even go for a walk on my own, I couldn’t take a breather when I was tapped out from parenting, I couldn’t socialise, I couldn’t date.
“It was very apparent to me that I needed support.
“We live in an incredible time now where there’s so many resources for parents.
“I felt like they were missing some key things connecting to solo motherhood.
“When I was in the early days of my solo motherhood experience and felt quite debilitated by the challenges, I thought ‘have other people done this? Have other people gone through this?’.”
Would she have a normal career? Would she meet someone? Create a new family?
“So I searched for people who’d done it,” she said.
“I started to look for all these people who’d gone before me and achieved the things I wanted.”
Pip Edwards went on to create a cult brand. Janine Allis founded Boost Juice.
“I used them as guideposts and inspiration,” Rachel said.
“They’d been through the depths and come out the other end.”
Rachel finally felt like she could do the same, in time and with support.
So she turned her attention to helping others and launched the Mothering on My Own podcast. Rachel interviews mums and experts, exploring the unique journeys that come with being a single and solo mother, and unpacking the challenging chapters to gain new insights.
“If I’m drowning, then other people are drowning too,” she said.
“The journey I’ve taken with the podcast has been cathartic and healing in many ways.”
She drew on these interviews to create Mothering on Our Own.
The collection of essays written by mothers who are solo parenting, by choice or circumstance, explores their struggles, joys, and sacrifices.
It covers topics from grief to co-parenting, happiness, and finding confidence as a parent.
“There are so many unique ways that women have become single and solo mums,” Rachel said.
Some are widowed, some lost their partner to addiction, and others went through nasty divorces.
“They are so incredible, what they’ve achieved and what they’ve had to navigate to get to now,” Rachel said.
“I wanted people to get hope from reading these stories, and that’s been the main feedback I’ve got.
“To be able to invest that time into doing this for others, it does feel amazing.
“It gives me so much joy knowing that I’m gifting this to others.
“Lots of women who’ve read the book have been in awe of single and solo mums.
“From a support point of view, every single woman would know or be connected with a solo mum in some shape or form.
“To be able to connect with those women or maybe support them, I think it’s an incredible resource.
“Lots of women who listen to the podcast or pick up the book are already solo mums, but there are many women in relationships in the throes of ‘could I be a single mum?’.
“They don’t know what life would look like.
“One of the things that stops them is that they don’t think it’s possible, they don’t think they could do it.”
Rachel’s had “some seriously challenging times over the years”.
“Many of us feel like ending up in these circumstances failed our children or made their life more challenging,” she said.
But then she’d look at Lenny and see a happy, content, joyful little boy.
“At the end of the day, it would put everything in perspective,” she said.
“We often had little financially, but all he wanted was my presence.
“Often, as a solo mum, we think we need to give them things, make weekends special, fill them up with things or activities.
“It just wasn’t something I could do.”
But she could use some company doing the housework…
“Lenny joined in with me,” she said.
“He actually loved doing it. It becomes a fun thing.
“You don’t have to do a special adventure, it’s just our time together.”
