A (not so) hot new birthing trend

By Melissa Grant

There’s nothing really glamorous about giving birth – unless, of course, you are among a new breed of supermums (or supermodels) strutting into the delivery ward.

Sure labour is a magical experience, but when you stagger into the birthing suite doubled over in pain from contractions, you best leave your dignity at the door and pick it up on the way out.

It’s bloody tough work and you’ll likely lose all inhibitions as you bare all and experience all kinds of weird bodily functions.

With that said, I can’t understand the new trend of women getting glammed up to give birth.

Apparently an increasing number of ladies are putting on a full face of make-up, applying fake lashes and doing their hair for their birthing experience. Many have also had a full body wax and a spray tan beforehand.

Some are even applying foundation and mascara during their contractions!

Why, you ask? So they can be photographed looking their very best when they are holding bub in their arms for the first time.

Not surprisingly this new glam birthing trend has been linked to the rise in social media and the tendency to want to look picture-perfect on Instagram and Facebook.

Each to their own, but I can’t actually imagine going to the effort of trying to look smoking hot for those post-birth photos. Hell, I don’t feel the need to do that unless I’m hitting the town (so not very often).

I also can’t imagine wanting to share photos of those private post-birth moments on my social media channels (even if I did look like a supermodel).

When I actually gave birth two years ago, painting my face was pretty much the last thing on my mind.

And, despite this emerging #glambirth trend, it will most likely be the last thing on my mind this time around too.

Assuming everything goes reasonably smoothly and I don’t require an emergency c-section, here are some of the things I’ll probably be thinking when I go into labour in September:

– Have I arrived in time for an epidural?

– This gas isn’t really working. Can I please have the epidural now?

– I’m pushing as hard as I can!

– Please NO forceps unless you really, really have to

– I wonder how much longer is this going to take?

– Oh I’ve done it! Is it a boy or girl? Are they breathing? Are they healthy?

– Sure, yep take a couple of photos. Just point the camera this way, it’s messy over there! Now, please don’t text any of those to my family

– I think I’m going to be sick, someone please hold the baby …

– OK we are done. I can’t wait to have a nap and a shower!

– Oh wait, I’m starving. When’s the next meal coming? Soon?

Giving birth is an intense experience. It’s raw – and I want my face to be too!

Foundation and (Instagram) filters just seem out of place.